Saturday, April 24, 2010

Omggggggggggg, i was watching this movie just now and i cried many timessssssssss. like more than five times..

Is crying more than five times considered to be too much for just a movie? I know people usually cry two times during a movie, or basically less than five. But this?!? I cried MORE than five times! is it just me or this movie is DAMN GOOD? its very rare for fire signs like me to get emotional easily. woww, over the years, i feel that i've become more sensitive and emotional. I did score quite high-average for the level of neuroticism. that means i do respond emotionally to things. shit. i dont want that cause emotional can get the best out of me sometimes.. :/ i guess i should listen to my head more than my heart sometimes. Emotions can diminish our ability to think clearly, make decisions and cope effectively with stress. so i hope the level of my neuroticism will decrease over the years.. Besides, they said Neuroticism decreases with age.. so just wait and hope things things will change for the better. Hmmm, now i know how the water sign usually feels.. :l cause i'm in this period now... Very sot, emotional, or maybe even too sensitive. Gosh how i wish i'll be out of this period soon... I'm still feeling the same as how i felt in my previous post. Still sad.. depressed.. shocked.. and many more you can think of.. Though i may not show... the thoughts, feelings, and memories kept replaying back in my mind..

Why must we be separated from our close ones? Why cant we just be close to one another everyday?? Why cant we just be near to each other?? WHY?? i do know the answer but sometimes i just cant seem to accept it. i'll somewhat deny it. Okay so what do i think the answer is? I think we are separated from each other cause everybody has different ambitions in life.. Some of us want to be a doctor, a teacher, a photographer, lab technician and e list goes on and on and on.. Thats why we cant be together all the time and do the same things like before.. unlike in secondary school.. :l :(((

Haiz..i know this is part and parcel of life. But.. kay nvm. idk how exactly to put it in words. All of us want to be different person when we grow up. thats why, we got to be separated, while we're on our way learning and striving to become what we want to be in life. :l :/ :] NOW I THINK my answer would be different for the facebook quiz. The quiz was this: What do you need in order to be happy? And i got success. The quiz say i need success to be happy.. then i see my friend's result. they all need friends to be happy. i wondered why my ans was different than the rest.. :/ I think my head was kookoo at that time. Looking at things right now, my answer shud be friends. I need friends to be happy. Look at me now, do i look/sound like i'm happy? The ans is obvious. *sighs*

Hmm about that movie. I think i cried many times because it reminded me of Mr Russia/Y. :/ i was very very very very very angry and upset and superrrrrrrrrrrr hurt. Till i was m.i.a for one week. I was down,needed time to be alone.to suck my own wounds till it healed... all the things that had happened. from what he did to how he react/respond.. :l He's been both a sweetheart and a jerk. He msged last week, as if wanting to start what we used to have last time. And hid bby asked will i give him another chance to redeem himself? well, i dont know. some part of me say yes i should give. while some part of me says no. To be honest, if there is any reason why i choose to avoid being in contact with somebody, its because i dont want to get hurt again. Haiss i miss those times when we were close. I'm not sure if thats ever possible to happen again. Hmmm, like hidayah said.. Just keep the gd memories bt try to forget the bad ones. Yeah..life should be like that. (Y)

I was emo countless times this week and last week. thinking about the past. about my GFs. I wonder how are they doing. I wonder how are they coping with their daily life routine.. are they thinking what i'm thinking? are they feeling what im feeling? we all are in different environment. be it schooling or working. Though i'm in the same block as sofia, i rarely see her. Its so weird. seems so near yet so far.. Poly is sooooooooo huge. And there's sooooooo many people. i cant keep track of anyone unless they're in the same class as me. I didnt even bump into Firah this week. In times like this, whenever i think back the about things that i've done to my gfs. i feel guilty and miserable. i know what i've done wrong/bad/over. If i know i would be feeling like this, i wouldnt be too hard on ppl in the past. I wud just be patient and give them the best. I should be perfecting my love to them, overlook their faults and fight their mistakes. Yeahh, only now i understand that

Friendships are like wine, it gets better as you grow older.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

"I dont want

to walk this earth

If i gotta do it..

solo (solo).."

i use to be like that..

now im like this.. :l :{

"Cuz i was so high,

And now im so low..

And i dont wanna

walk around alone,solo.."

That song is now stuck in my head.. Solo by IYAZ. :l and its sooooooo suitable with my emotions feelings & thoughts right now. I'm sure it'll be an irony to some of my dearest&nearest cause i've always seem independent. i'm not dat scared or worried to do things alone.. i can go shopping solo even. but then. suddenly realization hits. "oh no.. they're not gonna be around near anymre.. i cannot see their faces everyday like i used to.. i cannot laugh talk & joke around with them like i always do before..face to face.. everybody is gonna be busy.. and that's freaking me out..". Being with awesome all-time favourite cool gerek people has a major cut down & drastic change. that's so.. .. so s a d.. :((( yearh i know we can still meet up, organize outings, bestfriends tak akan hilang punye all that. of course we wont forget each other. never. ever will be. but still, the change is so sudden and huge till it put me on edge..

shit.i guess i took advantage and take it lightly whenever they are around last time.. always thinking oh they'll be thr the next day,oh nvm i'll see them tmrw. now that they cant be around as often.. i'm in the state of shocked sad stress sad speechless sad. haiss. we used to be a team, running the streets/school , and was living out our dream/life, so carefree & happy :')

i even cried recently. i know so stupid right but what to do.. soal hati and emosi, cnnt control so should just let it out. i am so sorry cos i'm suddenly being so negative here. i just cant be positive at this period. not now. i wish i can be & stay positive like i always do but no.. now is the sot period. for me. i may not show how i feel, i may look smiley and happy all that but inside is like rojak. all the mixed feelings are jumble up. frightful thoughts are racing through my mind. now that im already in that school, i am trying n thinking n adapting as fast as i could to make the best out of it through out my journey and experience going through there. i got to figure out..SOON. so i'll stop being worried n stressed unnecessarily. gosh i hate being a freshman. i hate starting frm scratch. i hate not having the feeling of being "used to it". i hate not feeling like a senior. i hate not having my fav ppl around me. i hate it i hate it i hate it!!!

aww man, sec sch friends and poly friends are different. i rmbr what my eng tuition teacher said, when in poly & jc lvl already, there'll be more shrewd ppl around.. at least in secondary sch, you all are still in your decent years growing up all that. but when it comes to poly/jc level, you got to be careful with who you mixed around with. whoaa, thats so scary man. suddenly desperate housewives come to my mind.. the lady that usually speaks in the background ever said

"We must be very careful who we invites into our life.Cause we dont know what terrible secrets they bring with them, what effect they could do to our love ones. Some will come and go. While others may refuse to leave."

wouw. what a statement. i dont intend to find/make bestfriend in poly.cause im sure everybody already have their own bestfriends when in secondary school...so... just friends should be fine. u need alot esp those in the same class as you cos we need to help each other out. must happy happy together n susah susah together also..

" See, they give

me a purpose

Now im

getting nervous

That my heart will

never sing again " :l :/ :( :'<

Friday, April 9, 2010

Look at the time now... as i am typing this, its already 4:17am in the morning... Isn't that amazing ? no actually it isnt cause im suppose to be sleeping so i'll have tons of energy for tmrw! ^^

aren't they sexy and sweet? ;) HAHA!

the simple ones for poly while the over ones is just adding to my closet collections.

will be collecting them tday at yishun around 5-6pm. Actually's there's four more.. but i dont have the pictures..Another 2 for my sisters and 2 for hidayah bby cause its my belated bday gift for her. (yearhiknw,shame on me cos its damn late)

but nvm,its the thought that counts. i promise to be on time next time. and i promise to make for everyone cool named necklace/bracelet. (Y) :))))))

hmmm, i dont know if i cant wake up tmrw. i need at least 7hrs of sleep. thats what's e internet says, so i'll probably finish this by 5 am, that means i can only wake up at..urmm 12pm. Yeahhh, that shud be enough time before i get ready and go out with the drama chics again! if i wake-up late, force me to wake-up horr. just wake me up & call me many times tau sarah at 12 noon. just make my phone ring non-stop. just in case the alarm wont work. hmmmm its SUPER SATURDAY! and we'll be SHOPPING together.. WUW!! :DDD it will and should be a great day tmrw cause not only i'll finally get the blogshop items, i'll be getting levis jeans frm sarah n myself then the shoe that i want! :DDDD and maybe some other stuffs idk :}

awww man. this is the kind of things that can cheer you up and make you feel happy and excited for the day tmrw! no wait, tday i meant. hahah. :}

actually i'm supposed to collect the stuff together with hid, but i dont want to trouble her. moreover, i want to include smth else b4 i pass them to her. (ouhh you will look sexy in that leopard-print dress hidayah.. ;P Hehehees ) okay, was msging let-it-go girl just now,then stopped cause she's sleepy already. Okay, now then i'm tired.. *yawnswideloudly*

huuh.buhbye. WO YAO SLEEP LIAO. ^__^

WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT SUPPOSE TO MEAN ?

look at this face ppl. how i wished i can give you this face RIGHT NOW.

WOW.yday and tday has been a challenge for me. Including tday, total three challenges i have to face. so..idk whats the moral of the story.. but one thing for sure is.. i'm not scared. its not my fault.i've tried my best. ~~i wont die if ppl are trying to be funny or weird. it'll just drive me insane. but it wont be long till i get over it cause really, sometimes they're making the problem when it doesn't have to exist in the first place. c'mon you guys, snap out of it..... i want the old persons back. stop being/acting like something you're not.

hmmm.tday there was supposed to be a meeting/outing but i didnt go. cause i'm sick. like really sick. i woke up at a time when we're all supposed to meet. thats such a downfall. THEN. my body feels weird and i have running nose. the sickness came back. shit. i've just recovered and it came back? oh please allah, make me feel better.. ): i dont want to be sick when poly start. i need to be healthy and normal and meet new ppl with bright fresh cheer-y faces:((((not sick with dull-low-energy face.

man i'm so weak tday, after i ate my breakfast, i fell asleep again. And lay down on the bed the whole day. THE WHOLE DAY. that simply show how weak i am. i woke up around 6pm plus. suddenly my phone rang and i make it silent. i couldnt afford to talked right now cause my throat is just in a bad condition. i'm coughinghard. and "lendeh" is still bothering me. it just hurts. and my nose is just filled up with disgusting fluid. i dont want to speak and use my voice at all. i'm guessing the call is by sarah cause a few seconds later i received a msg frm her. we talk abt tmrw. idk if i'm strong enough for tmrw :l :/ :s :( but i SERIOUSLY WANT TO & NEED TO BUY THAT LEVIS JEANS WITH HER & I FREAKING WANT THAT PUMPHEELS B4 POLY STARTS !! I'VE BEEN EYEING ON THEM SINCE GOD KNOWS HOW LONG AGO!

what have i done to deserve this sickness now. well, with the cherry-on-top, circumstances around me isnt helping at all. not that understanding. hmmmm, i cant wait meeting new people and making new friends. i'm an aries. i simply love starting anew and practically anything that got to do with new beginnings. I LOVE IT. look at my lifestyle/stories and you would have seen it. starting anew especially.

starting anew is always a good thing, its like smwhat throwing away the bad,erasing the negative, start fresh and taking the goods. but sometimes, its not effective. want to know why? Because even though it's starting ANEW, for some people, it'll just go back to where it used to. and the cycle begins all over again. Isn't that brilliant?

so what would happen to them next? well to me, they will suffer the same thing or problem all over again. they will seem miserable cause no change take place. not even a single thing. then all they do is complain complain and complain.

maybe its a personality problem(which = to permanent), or maybe its just a bad day for them so that's why they act weird for that particular day.(which = to temporary) u decide which one you're going to show me. then i infer to myself, are you goin to be like that till the day i die? is that really in ur DNA? or are you gonna change before i die?

if i think you're goin to be like that till the day i die, i will distance myself frm you. then i'll hate you. then it'll be.. urm.. SAYONARA. then after a few months, you will be sad or regret. then maybe you'll miss me. but then i wont miss you. cause my mind is already set to hate you. or maybe you wont miss me. but whatever it is. i'll be thankful & happy cause finally, that person is out of my life, which = to lesser problem in my life. now that's brilliant. (Y)

who's next?

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

'' Hey birdie ''

jurong bird park after OJA

i feel like a bird locked in a cage;

only that the cage is my house..

Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooouw! its been how many weeks since i last post?

i think 1+. what did i do last week; monday was my birthday.AWESOME. tuesday accompany emma to her job interview.COOL. then stayed at home till SUPER SATURDAY! WUW!

i had a BLAST going out with the awsomefoursome. Including me, it'll become the fantasticfive.

Drama reunion with sarah liyana basil emma was DA BOMB. we talked laughed take lots n loads of pictures posing and basically catch up on each other's life:)))))

pictures will be uploaded later. facebook is being such a @#$%^&*!

stupid. stop giving problem can?

hmm, i sleep late for two or three weeks already.. shit. i didnt stick to my words. idk why i cant sleep when i freakin know its not good to sleep late. cause our body renew/ throw toxin out of the body at night. so whats my problem? is it bcos of that asshole? or me?

i think me.... :/ if i cant sleep, this is what i would probably do.. :

watch channel 5

play with my laptop

watch music video at youtube

chat with ppl at msn

and surprisingly, there's still ppl who are just as awake as i am.

mostly guys in my contact. then there's this guy whom we just start chatting recently.

he is such a bad ass. his first impression on me is out of the world.i was on facebook then he approach by chatting thru there..he said somebody talked about me at their blog, i panicked and was damn worried,"who seyy talked about me? what did i do seyy??"

then he said namer dier fatimah. *insidemyhead* i was like OMG. takkan pasal case sec 1 tu seyy maseh belum lpas lagi? i was just about to start poly want to start a new n a problem is croping up??he asked me to add him at msn quickly cause he wanted to show something.

okay i added him n my heart was racing like hell,

"okay what you want to tell/show me?"he give me the linked and i checked it out.

then i was confused cause the link is an old blog so there's ntg to read.i press the part "blah3 has been moved here" THEN. this creepy disgusting scary looking girl ghost face appeared BIGBIG

and keep screaming ARRRGHHH! ARRRGHHH! ARRRGHHH!!!!!!!

i WAS shocked but i couldnt care cause i die die wanna see a paragraph or text which the owner of the blog would talked about me. so i asked him "maner? takde pon"

he said "huh? k try again. press refresh." and send me the link again and that stupid ghost appeared again. so i was like ... ? huh? "maner? takde pun. when i press muke hantu keluar and its shouting.."

he said "n u don feel aniting? terperanjat or someting?"

"i feel terperanjat gler at first cause the face is scary...... then the screaming continues so i just ignored uh. n my speaker was at loudest so terperanjat uh. what is it that u wanted to tell/show me?"

he said "dat ting lah. hahah. the stupid face n voice."

"TSK!"

he said "datz my motive hahah"

"boo! kurang ajar uh.. ehhhhhhh you made me scared n worried u knw..

when sumbody talked abt me..

i tought ader gang ke ape nk hung ke ape.."

he "hahahahaha"

and that happened TO ME on april fool's day around 2 to 3am. gosh, the day was just about o begin and he's the FIRST person to trick me. grrrrr. we're frm the same school while i'm sec4 he's sec 5. he's handsome but not my kind of preference. then we chat over the next few days and he asked my number. i askesd for his but he said SECRET. wth. i said "boo! not fair. you have mine i dont have yours."

damn it. i regret giving it to him. now is 4:04am, guess who's online?

ASSHOLE. but i dont want to talked to him. as usual his pm is syioksendiri. and dis sec 5 guy is ignoring me when he's the one who start the convo first. crazy boy.