Sunday, April 18, 2010
"I dont want
to walk this earth
If i gotta do it..
solo (solo).."
i use to be like that..
now im like this.. :l :{"Cuz i was so high,
And now im so low..
And i dont wanna
walk around alone,solo.."
That song is now stuck in my head.. Solo by IYAZ. :l and its sooooooo suitable with my emotions feelings & thoughts right now. I'm sure it'll be an irony to some of my dearest&nearest cause i've always seem independent. i'm not dat scared or worried to do things alone.. i can go shopping solo even. but then. suddenly realization hits. "oh no.. they're not gonna be around near anymre.. i cannot see their faces everyday like i used to.. i cannot laugh talk & joke around with them like i always do before..face to face.. everybody is gonna be busy.. and that's freaking me out..". Being with awesome all-time favourite cool gerek people has a major cut down & drastic change. that's so.. .. so s a d.. :((( yearh i know we can still meet up, organize outings, bestfriends tak akan hilang punye all that. of course we wont forget each other. never. ever will be. but still, the change is so sudden and huge till it put me on edge..
shit.i guess i took advantage and take it lightly whenever they are around last time.. always thinking oh they'll be thr the next day,oh nvm i'll see them tmrw. now that they cant be around as often.. i'm in the state of shocked sad stress sad speechless sad. haiss. we used to be a team, running the streets/school , and was living out our dream/life, so carefree & happy :')
i even cried recently. i know so stupid right but what to do.. soal hati and emosi, cnnt control so should just let it out. i am so sorry cos i'm suddenly being so negative here. i just cant be positive at this period. not now. i wish i can be & stay positive like i always do but no.. now is the sot period. for me. i may not show how i feel, i may look smiley and happy all that but inside is like rojak. all the mixed feelings are jumble up. frightful thoughts are racing through my mind. now that im already in that school, i am trying n thinking n adapting as fast as i could to make the best out of it through out my journey and experience going through there. i got to figure out..SOON. so i'll stop being worried n stressed unnecessarily. gosh i hate being a freshman. i hate starting frm scratch. i hate not having the feeling of being "used to it". i hate not feeling like a senior. i hate not having my fav ppl around me. i hate it i hate it i hate it!!!
aww man, sec sch friends and poly friends are different. i rmbr what my eng tuition teacher said, when in poly & jc lvl already, there'll be more shrewd ppl around.. at least in secondary sch, you all are still in your decent years growing up all that. but when it comes to poly/jc level, you got to be careful with who you mixed around with. whoaa, thats so scary man. suddenly desperate housewives come to my mind.. the lady that usually speaks in the background ever said
"We must be very careful who we invites into our life.Cause we dont know what terrible secrets they bring with them, what effect they could do to our love ones. Some will come and go. While others may refuse to leave."
wouw. what a statement. i dont intend to find/make bestfriend in poly.cause im sure everybody already have their own bestfriends when in secondary school...so... just friends should be fine. u need alot esp those in the same class as you cos we need to help each other out. must happy happy together n susah susah together also..
" See, they give
me a purpose
Now im
getting nervous
That my heart will
never sing again " :l :/ :( :'<